Laying to rest outdated versions of self
Manifesting and living the life of your dreams gets all the hype – but we are often blocked from fulfilling these desires by our subconscious fear and avoidance of death (aka change).
I have been in the process of a major transformation, creating a life full of miracles and purpose.
While this is extremely exciting, it has also required me to allow outdated versions of myself to die over and over again. Versions that once protected me from pain, I did not yet have the capacity to feel consciously.
As the old self dies, and we transition into the new, we face a void that can be quite scary.
This is what identity death actually feels like – not a concept, not a metaphor, but a lived, embodied experience of losing who you were before you know who you are becoming.
Most of us do not learn to trust the unknown – we learn to fear it and avoid the topic of death altogether.
But death is simply a transition – a change that allows for necessary evolution and unexpected gifts. And the void is an opportunity to slow down, grieve and meet yourself more fully.
As a way to soften my resistance to death, and the unknown, I choose to celebrate and romanticize it. One way I do this is by holding funerals for myself. It is my way of honoring the process of letting go of my old self – fully, consciously, and with love.
The most recent version of me I laid to rest was the sweet little Sarah who avoided the pain of being misunderstood, judged, and rejected.
She built her life around avoiding that pain. Tirelessly trying to be loved by everyone, while losing contact with her true Self in the process.
But I reached the point where the pain of self-abandonment was far more uncomfortable than the pain of being misunderstood, and it was time to let her go.
This is what shedding an old identity really feels like – not a dramatic overnight shift, but a quiet, aching recognition that who you have been is no longer who you are.
Ritual allows us to access and reprogram the subconscious by speaking its language of symbols, myths, metaphors, and feelings.
Logic and consciously deciding we are ready to let go of outdated patterns only gets us so far. Our subconscious is 90-95% of our psyche, and it is where these patterns live.
And no amount of knowing how to let go of who you used to be will create the shift – until the subconscious receives the message too.
And it was time for my subconscious to get the memo: this small, repressed version of Sarah is no longer protecting me, and it is time to let her die.
I want to make an important distinction though.
I did not kill this version of myself.
I allowed her to die.
Killing has a repressive, exiling energy.
Allowing death means I have received everything I was meant to receive from her. I have accepted her fully, honored her sacrifice, listened to her wisdom, and felt her pain. I allowed her to finish out her life naturally,
without force.
She has fulfilled her purpose. Rebirth is now necessary.
This process has taught me how to be both a death and birth doula to myself. Each requiring immense love, patience, and courage, so I may open, let go and let in.
It has also shown me that shedding an old identity is not a one-time event – it is a practice, a willingness to keep letting go of outdated patterns and returning to yourself even when it is uncomfortable.
I have so much inside me that is dying to be shared (literally). And I am so proud of myself for being ready to feel all the discomfort that comes with the vulnerability that is required to express authentically.
The version of Sarah writing this has been waiting a very long time to be herself and serve through her expression.
An Identity Death Ritual
If you feel ready to let go of an identity that no longer serves you (not from a place of fixing, but from true completion and love), I invite you to hold a funeral for that self.
Think of it as a ritual for personal transformation – one that speaks to the parts of you that logic and willpower simply cannot reach.
1. Choose the setting
Select a place in nature that feels accessible and meaningful to you.
Before you go, write a letter to this version of you. Thank them for how they protected you, shaped you, and helped you survive.
2. Arrive, ground, and connect
When you arrive, slow down and ground yourself. You may take a few breaths, place a hand on your heart, or say a simple intention. Let yourself know: this is a funeral.
3. Read the eulogy
Read your letter aloud as a eulogy, speaking directly to this version of yourself as you lay them to rest. Allow any and all emotions arise.
4. Release
After the eulogy, release what you are ready to let go of. You may burn the letter, or if you prefer to keep it, write down the specific habits or patterns associated with this old self and burn those instead.
This is the heart of the identity death ritual – making the invisible visible, and the internal external, so the subconscious finally believes the change is real.
5. Give it to the earth
Bury the ashes and ask the earth to support you in fully letting go, so that a truer version of yourself may be reborn and take the lead.
Place flowers on top as a thank you to both the earth and this old self. I like using flowers that are already dying in my home. Rather than throwing them away, I give them back to the earth, further honoring the cycle of death and rebirth.
6. Create a memorial
Take a picture of the burial and return to it whenever you need a reminder of what you have let go of. Choose an item that represents this old version of you and place it somewhere meaningful as a memorial.
Often, parts of us don’t want to let go of old pain and outdated identities because they fear being forgotten. So just like we memorialize loved ones, we can honor past selves – vowing to remember how they served us and the sacrifices made to do so.
7. Integrate
When old patterns arise, remember this day. Remember that you laid this version of self to rest and choose (the thought or action) that the reborn Self would choose.
Letting go of outdated versions of yourself is not about erasing the past – it is about choosing, again and again, to live from the truth of who you are now.
Most importantly, allow for grief. Emotional discomfort is not a sign you are doing something wrong. It is simply your system recalibrating. Trust your process.
PS: There is no right or wrong way to do a ritual. Take what resonates, leave the rest, and allow your intuition and creativity to guide. What makes a ritual powerful is that it speaks to you.
PSS: We were never meant to navigate transformations like this alone. Often, we need support to feel safe enough to let go and return to our true selves. If you're looking for guidance on that journey, it would be my honor to support you.
