Emotions are the language of the soul
We often think that our peace and happiness will magically appear once we have whatever it is we’re waiting for – the relationship, the friends, the house, the money, etc. The truth is that this fulfillment comes from within. And more specifically, it comes from learning how to consciously feel your emotions– all types of emotions, from the lightest happy emotion to the heaviest sad emotion.
If you think you already feel it all, know that there is a key difference between consciously feeling as a loving witness, versus becoming our feelings. The first allows for release, and the second perpetuates patterns. Many of us have spent years suppressing emotions without even realizing it — a slow process of emotional numbing that disconnects us from our inner and outer world.
Emotional Numbing: The Pattern Most of Us Don't Know We're In
We do so much to subconsciously avoid high sensation/ big emotions (both painful and pleasurable). I didn’t even know I was being emotionally stunted for most of my life.
We often hear people say, “Just let go.” Let go of the anger. Let go of the sadness. Let go of the pain. Let go of any challenging emotion. But the way we actually let it all go and return to peace is by feeling it all – fully, and with so much love and patience.
Emotions are not something to fix or get rid of. They are the language of the soul. They are part of our incredibly intelligent design. And if we want to connect to our true selves and intuition, we must learn to listen to them. Feeling emotions consciously, rather than bypassing or bracing against them, is one of the most profound acts of self-care.
Emotions are largely here to communicate what is asking to be integrated. By “integrated,” I mean to be loved and brought back into wholeness, rather than split off, exiled, and buried in the shadows of the subconscious. Our emotions are meant to be ignored — emotional processing is a necessity for a healthy, connected life.
Listening to our emotions allows us to receive their wisdom. This wisdom is the communication of our unintegrated or avoided parts of self – our pain, our “too muchness”, our unmet needs, and, ultimately, what is asking to be loved. When we deny this process, the emotional toll accumulates quietly beneath the surface, shaping our choices, our relationships, and our sense of self.
When we can fully love and accept every part of ourselves, we return to inner wholeness and peace, and our life begins to reflect that back to us.
Why "Just Let Go" Doesn't Actually Work
You can think of emotional processing like digesting food. The way we let go of food is by digesting and metabolizing it so our bodies can receive the nourishment and nutrients from it, and then release it. And our digestion affects all other aspects of our health.
Most of us often experience emotional constipation. We aren’t allowing ourselves to digest and metabolize our emotions, and therefore, we don’t receive the nutrients (aka wisdom) from them. So they stay in us, slowly rotting – causing dis-ease, blocking our intuition, creativity, connection to our authentic selves, power, peace, pleasure, and fulfillment. We feel emotionally drained, not because we feel too much, but because we spend so much energy not feeling.
Your Inner Child Just Wants to Feel Emotionally Safe
You can see your emotions as your inner child, and your awareness of them as your inner parent.
The more I hold my inner child with loving awareness – witnessing her with deep love and patience, without becoming dysregulated with her – the more she begins to let go of past pain. Because the more I show up for her and acknowledge her pain, the more she feels loved and cared for. She learns she is not too much and not a burden. And that’s really all she has ever wanted: to feel emotionally safe.
This letting go frees up a ton of energy that was previously being used to suppress emotions. You’d be surprised by how much energy it takes to repress ourselves. And with all this freed-up energy and space within us, we now have access to receive more pleasure, creativity, intuition, clarity, authentic expression, peace, happiness...all the things!
What Emotional Healing Actually Looks Like
Remember to slow down and feel.
Make contact with what lives beneath the surface – beneath the stimulation and distraction.
I promise, it seems scarier than it actually is. And once you arrive there, it feels like coming home.
And it’s okay if it takes time to arrive – if there are fearful parts of you trying to pull your attention in a million different directions, doing anything to stop you from feeling what they believe is too unbearable. Be with those parts from that same loving awareness too. There is no need to fear the fear that arises.
Sometimes this fear shows up as emotional outbursts — sudden surges of feeling that break through the wall of numbness without warning. These aren't signs of weakness or failure. They are signs that something has been waiting patiently to be heard.
These parts are only scared because something in the past taught them it wasn’t safe to be with this pain – that these big emotions and needs were too much, a burden, or unlovable. Validate and feel the pain of that experience. And then gently let them know they get to release that old story and remember the truth:
Your big emotions are not a burden.
It is not too much for you.
You are capable of feeling emotions – all of them.
Your being was literally designed to hold it all.
And as you remember this, the resistance softens, and being with these challenging feelings becomes nourishing – even pleasurable. Your emotional response to life becomes less of a threat and more of a guide.
Two Simple Practices to Express Emotions and Begin Emotional Processing
Option 1: Sit With It
Set a timer for an amount of time that feels slightly uncomfortable, but still very doable.
Let your body be heavy. Let it soften into the surface supporting you. Feel your body being held.
Then focus on the sensations you notice in your body without trying to change them or figure them out.
Do they have a texture, temperature, weight, color, shape, etc. Curiously observe what’s there, as if you’re studying a piece of art.
Watch the energy move and express. Let whatever wants to arise, arise – giving full permission to it all.
Trust that whatever clarity you need will naturally arise through feeling, rather than analyzing. (Trying to figure things out often leads to false clarity).
When the timer goes off, you might be more than ready to get up and move on with your day... or you may be surprised to find that you actually want to stay a little longer.
Give yourself permission for either.
Option 2: Exaggerate and Express It
Consciously decide to fully express emotions and exaggerate whatever you’re feeling. Again, set a timer for an amount of time that feels accessible and then give yourself permission to fully embody the emotion.
For example, if it’s anger, you may go off ranting about whatever is pissing you off, hit a pillow, scream, etc.
If you’re sad, you may cry, exaggerate the frown, the heaviness, the helplessness. Let yourself go into full victim mode.
If you’re anxious, let yourself freak out. Be terrified. Pace back and forth. Say out loud or write everything you’re scared of.
Either stop when the timer goes off or continue until you feel a sense of completion.
Exaggerating and giving full permission to what we’re feeling allows the energy to move up and out and come to a natural completion.
Emotional Expression Takes Time to Feel Safe
With whatever you choose, please remember to be patient with your process.
These patterns of protection have been present for a very, very long time, and it takes time for them to trust that it’s safe to let go.
Don’t underestimate the power of very small, consistent action. Even doing this for just a few minutes (or even just ten seconds) a day can drastically shift your life.
Over time, your capacity to stay with yourself will expand.
You will learn that you can hold it all.
And that you were never too much to begin with.
Also, sometimes there are feelings that simply don’t feel safe to be with on our own at first. We often need someone to hold it all with us, so our nervous systems can remember that it is safe. If you would like someone to support you through this process, I would love to be that person.
